I started journalling as part of my recovery process. I was reading and looking back on some of the journal entries during my Tokyo trip a few weeks ago and it inspired me to blog about my burn out as it is a year since my whole wellness journey began. This is a look back on how it all started.
On Saturday 10th March 2018 I was in work and I felt a twinge in my right hand. It was like numbing twinge that was mild and intermittent. I thought it could be from typing on my laptop so didn’t give it much thought. The numbing sensation continued intermittently over the next two days and by Tuesday 13th March I had lost feeling in my little finger and the numbing spread up my right arm. I went immediately to my GP who referred me to a neurologist for investigation. I worked from home over the next two days whilst I was waiting to see the private neurologist. On the evening of Thursday 15th March the numbing sensation began to spread into the right of my face, and I thought I was having a stroke. I had lost all feeling in my right hand and arm. I was rushed to A and E and they took some bloods and some x rays and said to go to the neurologist as I already had an appointment booked for the Friday 16th March. It would be a quicker way for diagnosing me.
For those who don’t know me my husband passed away with a brain tumour, I am familiar with neurologist, procedures and terminology they use. I spent over a decade in and out of hospitals with neurologists. It’s been 11 years since he passed away, I was glad to never need to see a hospital or a neurologist again until this visit. The thought of the visit was more overwhelming than the numbing symptoms I was having. This resulted in a panic attack on my way to the clinic in London City. The anxiety brought through a wave of emotions that I couldn’t understand or control never the less it took over and my breathing became hard and I just broke down in tears outside the tube station at London Bridge.
I finally got my composure together with the help of a caring passer-by. I entered the clinic and waited to see my neurologist. We discussed my symptoms and my lifestyle, and he did a few clinical observations and I was sent for bloods, MRI and a CT scan. I was told to rest and if the symptoms got worse to notify him and go to A and E. The results would take a few days and to come back on Tuesday 20th March.
My brother and sisters were a great support in fact it upset me seeing their concern and worry. They mentioned that I had lost weight and looked exhausted since the Christmas family gathering. That was when we last met. I hadn’t seen my siblings for nine weeks which is very strange considering we live ten minutes apart and would normally have dinner or catch up once a week. I knew I was busy with my work but never realised I’d not taken any time out to see them. Over the weekend as I waited for my results lots of things were going through my mind. I was worried, what was causing these symptoms was it something life threatening. My siblings stayed over with me, we talked, drank lots of tea and ate lots of cake. It’s a Chung family tradition drinking tea and eating Marks and Spencer’s Madeira cake, it solves all the problems in the world. I am lucky and grateful to have my siblings living close by they mean the world to me.
Over the weekend the feeling in my right hand returned but the numbing and tingling was still intermittently running along right hand, arm and side of my face. I had no feelings in my little pinky finger.
At the neurologist clinic I was told the tests went well and that there were no signs of anything in the MRI or CT to be worried about. Bloods showed low iron which I suffer from anyway so needEd to manage it. He told me the numbing was possibly caused by stress. The body can manifest symptoms like warning signs that something is not right. We chatted again about my lifestyle and the pace in which I was working and not resting would have an impact on me both physically and mentally. I was burnt out and clinically stressed. I was referred to my GP for stress management and sleep management and we discussed alternative therapy for the numbing issues like acupuncture and physiotherapy.
I was on sick leave for in which I was told to rest. I was seeing a counsellor about my sleep management and going to acupuncture and doing physiotherapy. I felt low and had no energy or zest for life everything seemed to be overwhelming and I was exhausted. I reflected on the build up to this and I knew I wasn’t managing my time, work load and myself properly. I had thrown myself into work and lost all balance of life. Most importantly I was not sleeping and getting enough rest. I hadn’t done anything like meeting my family and friends. I stopped running and my weekly yoga class. In a space of a few months of pushing myself and losing myself in work mode, I physically and mentally was suffering. It was time to evaluate what was happening and where I was going.
During my sick leave I had time to think and I was supported by my family and friends. We had some very honest discussions on what contributed to the stress and burn out and what I could do to avoid it. I knew then that I need to take time out. Real time out not just a few weeks and go back to work.
I started running again and working on a fitness routine. I managed a healthy and balance diet and started to meditate and do some yoga. I caught up with family and friends and slowly and surely the numbing sensations disappeared after four weeks and I was sleeping well and my energy levels improved drastically.
I left my job and took a few months off and that was the beginning of my wellness journey.
Looking back a lot has can happen in a year. I consciously set personal goals in order to improve my wellbeing. During my time off I travelled, made new friends and achieved my 200 hours yoga teacher training which was the catalyst for change. I ran two world major marathons, changed jobs, started my blog and conqueured a few health issues. Most importantly I’ve learned to listen to my body and be mindful on my diet and rest patterns and general well being. Managing my time and knowing when to say no to things that can impact my health and sleep. All this contributes to ones overall wellness.
A year on I'm blogging this entry whilst working and living in Dubai. I’m in a positive, healthy, physical and mental state of mind. The wellness journey so far has been thought provoking, challenging, soul searching and life changing.
Chrissy x
INTERESTING ARTICLES
https://www.forbes.com/sites/learnvest/2013/04/01/10-signs-youre-burning-out-and-what-to-do-about-it/#5f9cdba625b4
https://www.helpguide.org/articles/stress/burnout-prevention-and-recovery.htm
https://www.businessinsider.com/20-warning-signs-that-youre-burnt-out-at-work-2015-7
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